so tonight my philosophy professor had these nasty bruises all over her arms and she stopped mid-lecture to say “sorry you guys have to look at my bruised-up body, my friend brought a stripper pole over for thanksgiving and that shit is not easy. tip your strippers. tip your strippers well” and then immediately kept talking about philosophy
do you ever just want to grab someone in one of your classes
and pull their face close and whisper
“I am ten times smarter than you will ever be, your opinions are both ill-informed and unoriginal, the career path you are headed on is so overdosed with barely competent imbeciles like you that you will be incapable of finding a job, and incidentally your shoes are clashing with your outfit in a way that cannot even be called deliberately bad. so shut. the. fuck. up.”
girl fact #285: makeup gives us super human strength. if you see a girl with perfect winged eyeliner and red lipstick, approach with caution. she’s got the power to slay her enemies with one look and use their blood as blush.